Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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