I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
