My friends, they love my intelligence
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
