My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
