How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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