i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
