He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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