Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
