my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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