True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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