i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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