this boner is exhausting
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
