You made me cry and you don't even care
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
