kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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