I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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