i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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