I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
