remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my being single is dangerous.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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