God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
