She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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