It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
