I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
