after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
