I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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