He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
high people should be assigned attendants
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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