Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
