I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
