Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
