life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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