is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I bet he comes in French.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
