He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
