i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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