Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
