saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
