I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
