Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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