Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
