this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
