i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
