I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
