You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
