He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
