i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
