This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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