Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
