wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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