i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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