last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
