All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
