If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
