Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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