cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
