We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
