I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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