I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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