he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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