It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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